First of all, I’d like to say that I, unlike most of the world, do not blame you for the decision a man makes to cheat on his wife or significant other. Well, that is, if you aren’t the woman’s friend or family member. In that case, I’d say you share in the blame. But unless it is a case of cheating for love, which very few are, chances are pretty good that if he weren’t cheating with you, he’d be cheating with someone else. That’s probably not something you want to hear, but it’s true.
Everyone seems to think that you have this great power to lure or seduce a man away from his wife and family. I know that’s nonsense. However, if the married man you’re cheating with gets caught or decides to confess, that’s the angle he’ll use to get back into his partner’s good graces. You’ll be the ‘evil seductress,’ and he’ll be the pitiful, ‘innocent victim’ who couldn’t resist your sexual power over him. He’ll throw you under the bus so fast, your head will spin!
He’ll accuse you of stalking him, pursuing him, or even blackmailing him to get him to be with you. He’ll paint you as the biggest slut in town, with a long list of lovers and a drawer full of sex toys. He’ll swear he never cared for you and that he’s been trying to escape your wiles from day one. He’ll say he only wanted to be your friend, or that he felt sorry for you and was only trying to help you in the beginning, but then he fell victim to your wicked ways.
Okay, I said all that to make you understand one thing–YOU CANNOT TRUST HIM! I understand that you want to trust him. I know that you probably believe everything he says. I get it–I’ve been there. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s the reason I know what I’m talking about, and it’s why I created this site. It’s also why I can tell you from experience that probably at least 90% of what he’s telling you is NOT TRUE!
I know how you feel. You care for him, or maybe you love him. You want to be with him, so you have to believe what he says in order to justify what you’re doing. He knows this, so he’s told you these sob stories about how his marriage is a joke, that they haven’t loved each other or slept together in years, that they’re only together for the sake of the kids or because he can’t afford to leave…. He plays on your sympathy to the point that you actually feel sorry for him! But don’t! There might be a morsel of truth in what he’s saying, but chances are much better that he’s lying his cute little butt off!
You might think that because he’s helping you out financially, he’s sincere. Of course, he wouldn’t give you money if he didn’t love you, right? THINK! THAT’S JUST ONE STEP AWAY FROM PROSTITUTION, and he’s probably seeing it that way! Men have been paying for sex forever, and it didn’t stop at your doorstep. I know that is a hard one to swallow, but it’s important for you to face this fact.
He’s made promises, he’s made plans with you, he’s involved you in starting a new business… He says he loves you more than he’s ever loved anyone. He berates you for questioning his ‘integrity’ or doubting his ‘love’ if you try to talk to him about his marriage, and he swears that the divorce is in the works. Face it, girls. You don’t know what he’s doing. He might be trying to have another child with his wife!
You just want someone to love you, but it seems that it’s only the married ones who show you any interest. You want to believe there are some decent guys out there, so you buy into their lies. I understand. But you need to understand that you deserve better than to be his girl on the side. You deserve better than the crumbs he throws you after he dines with his wife. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and that’s something you will NEVER get with a married man!
So he’s sweet, and he buys you nice things. Is that all you want? If so, that’s your choice. But I’m saying you deserve to be THE woman in a man’s life–not A woman in a man’s life. You deserve to share his name, to share his home, to be his wife. So he’s promising he’ll divorce her and marry you. Then tell him to give you a call when the divorce is final! I know, you’re afraid he’ll find someone else. Well, if he does, that should tell you something! He didn’t love you! And aren’t you better off knowing that, than wasting your time with him?
Okay, let’s say he is actually a good guy who’s in a bad situation. Let’s say he does really love you. If that’s the case, he should be concerned about your feelings, and those of his wife. He should think about the way people will blame you for the demise of his marriage if they find that he was seeing you before his divorce. He should stop procrastinating and being selfish and do the right thing. He should either get a divorce, so he can be with you, or stop seeing you and reconcile with his wife. You shouldn’t let him have it both ways!
I’ve known too many women, including me, who have believed the lies of married men. Sometimes we don’t even know they’re married until we’re hooked, but don’t think that’s a coincidence. They will say or do whatever it takes to get what they want. But you don’t have to give it to them! Don’t waste the precious years of your life waiting for a man who is pretending to love you and pretending to divorce his wife. Don’t waste your youth on someone who WILL NOT be there for you when it’s gone!
Don’t believe in the fairytale. Even if he did leave her, VERY FEW men who leave their wives for another woman ever marry the other woman! And even if you did end up with him, you’d always be labeled “the slut who stole him away from his family.” Is that really something you want?
I know you think you love him, but you don’t even know him! You think you do, but you don’t. Of course, he seems perfect when he’s with you. That’s because you are his escape! When he’s with you, he’s ignoring all his responsibilities, his problems, his bills, and his issues. You are his drug and his way out of everyday life. You’re his toy… his fun. You don’t see the way he treats his wife, his kids, his parents and his co-workers. You don’t see what a slob he is at home. You don’t see how inconsiderate and rude he is. You only see what he wants you to see. You don’t know him.
Okay, I have to admit here that there are a few guys who actually do leave their wives, get a divorce, and stay with the woman with whom they cheated. But as I said, even in those situations, it is far from perfect. There is the ex-wife, child support, alimony, children, and lots of other things to deal with. And everyone blames you for his choice to leave. That’s not exactly the way you’d want to start out a relationship and/or marriage.
What I’m trying to make you understand is that it’s a no-win situation when you’re involved with, and in love with, a married man. While he’s playing Santa with his wife, you’re home alone. While he’s at home at nights and on weekends with his wife and kids, you’re home alone. You don’t want to commit to any other relationship, or even going out with friends, because your married man might be able to sneak away for a few minutes, and you want to be there for him if he can squeeze you into his busy schedule. You know, in between the things that are actually IMPORTANT to him.
My message to you is, “RESPECT YOURSELF!” Remember–if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will, either! You deserve to be the ONLY woman in a man’s life. You deserve to be treated respectfully, with LOVE. If you respect yourself, you won’t allow yourself to be treated as if you’re a second-class citizen… because you aren’t!
Probably my most important bit of advice for you is to go into counseling. I’m not saying you’re crazy–far from it! I’m just saying that we all have issues that cause us to do the things we do… especially in cases where we’re making the same mistakes repeatedly. And I’m not saying you should be medicated. I’m not a fan of antidepressants. They usually don’t make any difference, and in some cases, they make things worse. 
Talk therapy is good for practically everyone. Having an unbiased person to guide us in sorting through the garbage is very helpful. I strongly suggest that you get counseling, especially if you’re having suicidal thoughts. If you do, seek help immediately! Call 911, if you can’t find a crisis line. AND REMEMBER THAT NO ONE IS WORTH TAKING YOUR LIFE OVER!
Loving a married man is a devastatingly painful experience. However, it does NOT have to define your life and who you are. It’s something you’ve experienced, and according to the statistics, half the couples who get married also experience infidelity, which means that there are a whole lot of broken-hearted “other women” out there.
I know that the pain is overwhelming, and you might want to give up and end your life, but don’t! You might not believe in Satan, but he’s real, and that’s just what he wants you to do. He will tear you down, but God can pick you back up. God is always there for you, and He wants to help you and heal you. He’s not there to judge you. He loves you and wants you to be happy, so call out to Him!