I don’t think there are many men out there who don’t understand the importance of sex in a relationship, but there are a lot of women who just do not seem to get it. They seem to have the attitude that since they “got him,” they don’t have to work to keep him.
 
We have to remember that men are almost perpetually in a state of arousal. It takes nothing more than a look, a word, or just waking up in the morning, and they’re ready. If you don’t take care of your husband’s sexual needs, don’t be surprised if he finds someone who will. That’s not to say that infidelity is acceptable! It’s not. But when you look at the reality of the situation, you’ll realize that it’s not only possible–it’s likely.
 
There are some cases of infidelity that begin with an emotional attachment to someone, but most of the time, it’s about chemistry–sexual attraction. It’s exciting, it’s fun, and it makes you feel young. It’s like a drug, and it’s very difficult to resist even when you have a good sex life at home. But for a man who is feeling sexually frustrated because his wife either denies him, or shows no interest in him sexually, it’s almost impossible to resist.
 
So you’re thinking, I take care of my responsibilities. I let him make love to me. Think again! He doesn’t want you to let him make love to you. He wants you to not only participate, but he also wants you to enjoy it. He wants to feel wanted, and most men would love to have their wives initiate sex, at least occasionally.
 
After couples have been together for a while, they begin to get a little (or a lot) lazy in bed. They know the buttons, and they know the order in which to push them to get the job done. They get in a rut of doing exactly the same things, in exactly the same order. No talking, and sometimes not even kissing. Very little foreplay, if any. Okay, that might get the job done, but is it exciting? Is it something he’s going to be thinking about while he’s at work tomorrow, and his sexy assistant is flirting with him? Probably not.
 
So you don’t find him as attractive as you used to. He might feel the same about you, but if you love him, and you want to hold onto him and not lose him to someone who does find him attractive, you need to start thinking of him differently. Think of the way you felt about him when you first met. Think of the sparks, the fireworks, the animal attraction…. It was awesome, wasn’t it? What happened? Bills, children, careers, housework, weight gain, blah, blah, blah. Okay, things change, and things get in the way. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still have that spark. Talk to him about it. Then start doing something about it.
 
One of the easiest things you can do to spice up things in bed is to wear some sexy panties, a teddy, or a pretty nightie. So you don’t look like you did when you married him…. Trust me–he won’t care! It will mean more to him than you can imagine!
 
Many women have secret sex lives in the deep, dark places in their minds. They have active fantasy lives of which their husbands are not aware. They read romance novels, living vicariously through the characters in the stories. But why should those fictitious characters have all the fun? I understand–it takes a lot of trust to open up yourself and share your fantasies with your man. But if you love him, and he loves you, chances are really good that he would be thrilled to hear about your fantasies. If you feel humiliated by the idea of talking about it, try talking in the dark. Or maybe you could write your fantasies out for him. (WARNING: DO NOT share fantasies about being with someone you know, especially a past lover. That would be sure to cause distrust and pain to your man.)
 
After you’ve shared some of your fantasies, maybe you could do some role playing. Some common fantasies that people like to play out are doctor or nurse/patient, boss/secretary, and cop/law breaker. You are only limited by your imagination and your willingness to participate! Maybe you could write out a scenario you’d like to play out, complete with dialogue. He’d probably be ready to get started immediately!
 
Okay, so maybe you aren’t creative. In that case, get some help. Read some erotic stories together. You can find anything you want online. If you don’t want to read them with him, read them alone before he gets home or before you go to bed. It’s a great way to get in the mood. I have a friend who is a really good author. She writes vampire erotica. I’ve never been a big fan of vampires, but she’s won me over! If she can’t get your juices flowing, no one can! Master For Tonight & Master For Tonight II by Elaine Barris. My books, Keeping Secrets & Keeping Secrets II also have some steamy scenes! 

Speaking of getting in the mood… that’s another issue that a lot of women have. They just aren’t interested in sex. Maybe you never had much of a sex drive, or maybe it’s diminished over the years. Whatever the case, it doesn’t have to be that way. Part of it is probably the way you think (or don’t think) about sex. Don’t allow yourself to look at it as a chore or something you’re obligated to do. Look at it as something you’re blessed to have. As a woman who has spent most of her adult life in long-distance relationships or without someone, it has always amazed me that women who had husbands who loved them and wanted them didn’t appreciate them. Consider your husband a blessing, and remember that he needs to feel your love for him sexually.
 
For women who have hormonal issues that affect their sex drive, there are some supplements you can try. I took them years ago for a possible hormone imbalance, but I had to stop, because my sex drive became overwhelming! You can find information about them elsewhere online. But ALWAYS check with your doctor or pharmacist before adding supplements to your diet, especially if you are taking prescription medications or other supplements.
 
Hopefully, the following will sound ridiculous to you, but there are actually some women who have been with the same men for years, but have never told their men what turns them on physically. They expect men to magically know how to please them. They might think of their husbands as lousy (or lazy) lovers, but that might not be the case at all. We’re all different. We like different things. What might drive me crazy might make you throw up! If you’ve never talked with your husband about the things that make you feel good, or things you think would feel good, it’s time! It might be a little embarrassing, but you can do it. As with the fantasies, you can always write it out for him if you’re too embarrassed.
 
When talking to a man about the way you want him to do something, or about the way you don’t want him to do something, choose your words carefully! Be very positive. For example, “Honey, I really like it when you…” or “I’d love it if you would…” NEVER say anything like, “I hate it when you…” or “It grosses me out when you…” Remember the fragile ego. He wants to please you, so if he feels that you’re criticizing him, he’ll be hurt and embarrassed and feel as if he’s failed you. Think of how you’d want him to teach you, and use that as your guide.
 
Women are notorious for having sexual hang-ups. We have a fear of the unknown, so we hesitate to try new things, and we miss out on immeasurable pleasure just because we’re afraid, embarrassed, or unsure. Okay, for clarity, I’m not suggesting that you have a three-way. I think that’s a mistake for any couple, and I strongly urge you to think long and hard before doing something like that. If your husband is pushing you to do that, he’s probably only one short step away from cheating if he hasn’t taken that step already. (Talking about it as in a fantasy is fine, but doing it is something else entirely.) 


No, what I’m talking about are things you and your husband can do together such as making love outside, or in front of a hotel window, or maybe on your kitchen counter. I know, granite would be cold, but you get the idea. Mix it up!

Let’s talk toys. Especially for you ladies who have a difficult time achieving orgasm, a vibrator can be your best friend! If you haven’t tried them before, go online and check them out. There are all kinds of toys you can try. Most men are completely open to this—anything to help you enjoy sex! However, before you go busting up into your bedroom with your new friend, talk to your husband about it. There are some men who are very insecure, and they see the use of toys as an insult to their manhood. Explain to him that it’s not that he is lacking in any way, but you’re just interested in trying some new things. That should help him relax.

I’m sure you’ve heard of people using whipped cream, chocolate syrup, ice cream and other sweet things as toppings for their own sweet spots. WARNING: DO NOT EVER PUT ANYTHING SWEET ON OR NEAR THE GENITAL AREA–HIS OR YOURS! Doing so can cause severe vaginal and urinary tract infections! I mention his, too, because if it’s on him, it could go inside you, and that’s not something you want! If you want to try something like that, keep it on the upper body and do not perform oral sex until you’ve brushed your teeth and rinsed your mouth thoroughly!
 
Girls, there’s one thing that must be discussed here. We all know how important it is. When we’re in a new relationship, we usually do it, but then gradually, we do it less and less as time goes on. You know what I’m talking about–ORAL SEX. Most women aren’t particularly fond of giving it, and granted, it isn’t the easiest thing to do, but the importance of it cannot be stressed enough! It’s also important to not have that I’m-gonna-puke look on your face. Okay, it might not be completely honest, but try to look as if you’re into it. It can actually be exciting for you, too, if you focus on how much pleasure you’re giving him. The more you do it, the easier it will be. But remember–NO TEETH! 
 
You might be thinking that all this is for your man, but you’d be surprised. The way it usually works is the more you do for him, the more he’ll want to do for you. That doesn’t only go for sex. If your man is happy in the bedroom, he’s much more likely to be happy outside the bedroom, too. And a happy man is more likely to paint the living room than a sexually frustrated man is! So the next time your husband seems frisky, show him what you can do. Or better yet, don’t wait! Just out of the blue, reach over and grab his package. A little touch can go a long way!
                 
***Since I wrote and posted this article, I had a male friend tell me in an email that if women would read this article and do what it says, it could save a lot of marriages! I agree!***